When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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