this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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