The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
