They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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