This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
