I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
