its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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