I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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