How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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