Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize