I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a hot homeless man
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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