Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
