I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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