Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
