I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
