i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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