I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
