Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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