i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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