Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
