They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
