I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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