Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
