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you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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