i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
