It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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