I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
