I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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