I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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