When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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