Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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