On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
