Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
