i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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