What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
