the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
