my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
