TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize