I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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