I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
