Capitaan dildo arrescate!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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