How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
