No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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