I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
