The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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