i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
