ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
