my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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