So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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