You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
