no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
