I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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