I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
