when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this will be a night to untag.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
