There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
