we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
