Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
