On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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