he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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