i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
