this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
