I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize