she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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