i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
