i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
