you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
