I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
