"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
