i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i drank out of a bidet.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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