happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
