Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
