So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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