FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
