The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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