Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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