This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
