There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
