just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We got so high we made milksteak
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize