My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
