Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
