This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
