If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
