I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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