Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
