You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
