She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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