I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
