consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
