Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
