if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
