you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
