The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
